100 Truth-Telling Questions: Am I Operating from Trauma, Self-Focus, or Narcissism?

Last updated on 06 Jun 2025

This checklist is a tool for radical self-honesty—not shame. Use it to reflect with compassion, curiosity, and courage. We all have narcissistic traits, trauma adaptations, and survival instincts. But awareness is the first step toward wholeness.

Be honest with the truth, it will set you free

We all lie, just don't lie to ourselves, thats the only pain we feel.

The truth doesn't mind being questioned, lies do.

The quality of the question, determines the quality of the answer

Multiple truths can exist at the same time,

Compassion and empathy is the antidote

Seek to understand, not just to be understood

A half lie is still a lie

Withholding the truth is a lie, its manipulation disguised as self preservation

Transparency, is sharing the truth, even when they don't know the right question to ask

Transparency > Honesty

The truth will set us free

If your curious if you are a narcissit, your not if you are asking the question

Narcissists core trait is apathy, if you have compassion and empathy, your not one.

A narcissit will call others a narcissit, but never self reflect or look inthe mirror

🌿 Section 1: Nervous System Survival or Self-Focus? (Not Narcissism)

Do I withdraw or isolate when I feel unsafe?
Do I need to self-regulate before I can connect?
Do I fear vulnerability because it once led to harm?
Do I focus on myself to avoid overwhelm?
Do I struggle to hear others when I’m dysregulated?
Do I avoid conflict due to fawning or freezing?
Do I over-apologize or try to keep the peace?
Do I feel exhausted trying to meet everyone’s needs?
Do I shut down emotionally when I feel rejected?
Do I forget others' needs while tending to my own survival?

💛 Section 2: Healthy Self-Care or Selfish Patterns?

Do I set boundaries without guilt?
Do I communicate my needs clearly?
Do I sometimes mistake rest for laziness?
Do I fear being seen as selfish for honoring my energy?
Do I prioritize self-care even when others disapprove?
Do I know the difference between self-love and self-absorption?
Can I offer care without losing myself?
Do I take space when I need it but return with love?
Can I celebrate others’ wins without envy?
Do I care for myself without expecting others to rescue me?

🔍 Section 3: Signs of Narcissistic Tendencies (Conscious or Covert)

Do I use charm or kindness to gain validation?
Do I get defensive when someone gives feedback?
Do I feel superior to others in subtle ways?
Do I manipulate situations to avoid being wrong?
Do I need to be seen as “good” or “spiritual”?
Do I change who I am depending on who I’m with?
Do I hide mistakes to protect my image?
Do I center conversations around myself?
Do I guilt-trip others when I feel insecure?
Do I believe rules don’t apply to me in certain situations?
Do I feel entitled to special treatment?
Do I keep people close out of fear of being replaced?
Do I withhold affection as a form of control?
Do I use others' vulnerability against them?
Do I pretend to care, but feel emotionally disconnected?
Do I push people away, then blame them for leaving?
Do I secretly enjoy others needing me?
Do I apologize to end discomfort, not to own impact?
Do I believe others owe me for the love I give?
Do I feel threatened by others’ independence?

🧠 Section 4: Emotional Awareness & Self-Honesty

Can I name and feel my own emotions?
Do I take responsibility for how I affect others?
Do I ask myself hard questions without deflecting?
Do I allow others to have their truth without making it about me?
Can I apologize and change my behavior?
Do I avoid talking about emotions?
Do I dismiss others’ feelings as “too much”?
Do I seek relationships for what I can get?
Do I shame others for needing support?
Do I expect loyalty I haven’t earned?

❤️ Section 5: Relational Integrity

Do I uplift or diminish people when they shine?
Do I listen to understand or to reply?
Do I speak truthfully, even when it’s uncomfortable?
Do I betray trust to protect my ego?
Do I maintain relationships out of guilt or gain?
Do I gossip or triangulate?
Do I compare my healing to others’?
Do I show up differently in public vs. private?
Do I use my wounds as an excuse to harm others?
Do I stay in relationships to avoid being alone?

✨ Section 6: The Covert Narcissist Reflection

Do I act humble but secretly crave praise?
Do I post about empathy but struggle to feel it?
Do I become who others want me to be to feel accepted?
Do I play the victim to gain sympathy?
Do I feel devastated by minor criticism?
Do I make others responsible for my moods?
Do I secretly track people’s attention online?
Do I mirror others’ values only to gain closeness?
Do I see relationships as transactions?
Do I “give” with expectations?

🌱 Section 7: Healing Truths & Growth-Oriented Checks

Can I sit with discomfort without projecting it?
Can I celebrate someone else’s boundary?
Do I grow when challenged—or get resentful?
Can I love someone without controlling them?
Do I hold space for rupture and repair?
Can I witness others' pain without trying to fix or center myself?
Do I speak from truth, not performance?
Can I be wrong and not collapse?
Can I show love without needing reciprocation?
Do I lead with curiosity, not ego?

🧘‍♀️ Section 8: Somatic & Energetic Awareness

Does my body relax or tighten in truth?
Do I override my intuition to please others?
Do I feel a need to control others’ perceptions of me?
Do I feel regulated or reactive in intimacy?
Do I let my nervous system settle before responding?
Can I feel into someone else’s experience?
Do I override or ignore my own needs?
Do I manipulate energy to get a reaction?
Can I sense when I’m dominating a space?
Do I offer presence or projection?

🌼 Section 9: Ultimate Self-Reflection

If everyone left me, who would I be?
Would I want to be in a relationship with me?
Do I make people feel safe in their truth?
Do I feel entitled to others’ time, energy, or bodies?
Do I confuse admiration with intimacy?
Do I respond to conflict with curiosity or control?
Do I need to be the hero or martyr to feel worthy?
Do I see others as sovereign beings—or extensions of me?
Can I let people go with grace?
Am I ready to see the truth—even if it humbles me?

Final Invitation: This list is not a diagnosis—it’s a mirror. If you saw yourself in the “narcissistic” traits, don’t panic. We all carry shadows. The gift is not in being perfect—it’s in being willing to evolve.

Let your answers guide you toward more embodiment, integrity, and love.